Confession – I am not drunk though!

It has been 25 beautiful years since I started breathing on this Earth. Like all other kids, during the major part of my past years, I always dreamt of growing up and become a matured, responsible and dutiful individual. Now, here I am, the 25 year old woman, reaching her target of growing up but still wondering whether that matured, responsible and dutiful targets are accomplished.

Hence I felt it very much necessary to look back at those days I have lived through and take stock of the things, so that, from today onwards I will take along with me, only the happy and relished part of my past life, only the happy and smiling face of Subhalekha, leaving behind the grey days.

In the process of making myself as my childhood dreamt individual, I have sat in silence a lot many times and analysed myself for the person I have been and the person I could have been and the person I should not be from here on.

Here, on this day, I am trying to write down the things I have learnt so far in my life and hope that these lessons will make my life still more refined from here on.

Being selfish and satisfied- I am always choosy about people with whom I spend most of the time and I always wished happiness for them  going  to the extreme of doing all the things in their favor. This way I believe I have stayed and still staying in the hearts of those people but most of the time I end up being selfishly used by them for their happiness. I always realise it late but will be quick enough to take a decision of staying away but will never regret for that.

This has taught me that “you cannot always go ahead and satisfy others. Stay for yourself and it is always wise being selfish at times”.

Overcome the temper - My way to defeat temper is to laugh out loud or at least show a gentle smile. If that was so difficult, I manage to walk away from the scene and never bothered about its after effects.

Sometimes I think it necessary to vent it out, face to face, but trust me venting the anger out is against the old saying “barking dog seldom bite”.

I learnt that the best way to show anger on a person is to take full control of your mind and stay calm. Your silence will speak, sorry, shout more effectively and prove that you are a biting dog and not just a barking one.

Be good always – Whatever the situation is, try to be good. Whoever is around you or whoever is influencing you, fight to come out of the ring and be what you are.

Being good is nothing but living true to your heart, honest to the values with which your parents have brought you up.

Defeat the sadness – My sadness never lasted for more that quarter part of the day. I hardly remember being sad and too depressed at something else. If at all I feel sad, I just close my eyes and say this out loud, too loud, “come on Subhalekha, you are not born to be sad, happy baby you are, say cheers J”

That might sound so stupid but that is the magic. 

Consoling your own self and making yourself happy is the best way to emerge strong and proud out of difficult times.

Believe in it – The puzzle will get solved- All days will not go as per plan. Some days will be the worst which you don’t actually deserve. You will be left wondering when all this non-sense will end. You will try your best not to give up. The more you try to tackle it, the much harder challenge it poses. Your resistance will reach the brim in spite of your efforts to be composed.

That’s the deal in this business called life. The more you fight it the more tough hand you get and never ever put the cards down. The more fragmented your life looks, the more organised it will turn out to be. You just have to believe it.

Always pick one - Mind or Heart – I bet this is the toughest battle in anyone’s life. If the mind speaks 1000 words, the heart speaks 10 times more and you end up listening to both of them sparing one ear to each of them and pushed to ultimate state of confusion in taking a decision.

So far, I am always proud of my decisions in making my life meaningful but all those decisions are always the outcome of a tough battle between Mind and Heart. Though I try following my heart, most of the decisions are coated with layers of principles defined by the Mind.

So, when I sum up my life so far, I can understand that I am a blessed female (touch wood) with limitless love, care, comfort and blessing from lot of dear people around and I am always grateful and happy for whatever I got thus far.

But now it is time to put my feet down and take control of the further happenings in my life.

Today I truly believe that following my heart is the one that I need to be doing so that I don’t end up regretting later in my life.

You might have accomplished you career goal following your mind, you might have seen all the riches following your mind, you might be sitting in the fame cloud nine following your mind, and you might feel the complete material satisfaction following your mind. Note the word material; this satisfaction is just a mask you are wearing so that to show the world that you are perfect and completely happy.

It’s time for me to decide whether to keep the mask which I too have been wearing till now or take it off and deal with life with my chins up.

So my little wish for this birthday is,

God, give me the freedom and courage to follow my heart, even at tough times, and be rooted to the decisions my heart makes.

I am sure my life is going to be still happier with my heart said way of handling things and will definitely let you know how it goes on my next birthday.

Its tea time with........!

"If I could invite anybody  for 'tea for two' it would undoubtedly be the Rain"

Yes, the Rain.
How many days will you get a chance like this?


On a cozy evening, while you are sunken comfortably in your couch, gazing at the lush around and in between you look above, sensing his arrival. Then you just close your eyes to relish the sip which you have just taken and that moment he comes, with the aroma of wet earth.


No other tea time can match this !!

2011 - In my words

Uh. Another year about to end with memories sprinkled over each day. I am just sitting and wondering, recollecting those favorite times and wanting them not to get over with this.

One thing I concluded, days just fly away giving us just a fraction of time to unfold our wings and go around it and well before you reach, the destination changes and you keep on travelling, setting the past aside and hoping for a good "next day".

This day has something in it as it says clearly “Hello, still what you are up to? Come on, I am the 11^th hour”. Then you sit down on the New Year’s Eve, sparing some time to think of your unseen destinations and making yourself ready to reach them within the other bunch of 365 days.

This day, the New Year Eve has a value added to it rather than the New Year’s Day. Everyone, not knowing what the other day has in its kitty for them, just wait for it to dawn, so that they can wish for others happiness (mostly, as well they wish for them too), gaining energy and curiosity to go on to the next year, the very New Year and ready to bury the sadness of the past. 

I see all of them as new souls with fresh spirit springing inside them and all most everyone wishing only good things for others (wonder they wish the same on the other days too??)

As I said, this Eve is as well special to me. The charm felt today cannot be felt anytime; however the special the day was meant to be. I feel happy to recollect all those similar kind of “charm” that sprang in me in the past year.

The first thing that pops out - the cricket world cup. Indeed very special. Guys, the India vs Pakistan match at Suggi. One of my favorites.

Trip to Karur to attend VP’s marriage. After a long time, shared my room with friends, the same nostalgia of college hostel days, I felt it then.

Melmandhai. Special as always. Thursday night, after so many years, got a chance to be a kid, narrating and discussing about our gone past childhood days. Still I can hear it, me and Balaji recollecting our old ghost stories and periappa telling “neram aachu, thoongunga pa” :P.

Trip to Kerala made me realize a thing which I would not have realized anywhere else. The catalyst that bond great friends are not the happy factors. They are the “anger, bad health and other non sense” which you don’t want to endure on a leisure trip.

Manaswini. Vinith’s niece. Have almost seen most of her year’s life without being with her. You made me smile (even on days when I decided not to smile) and made most of my days happy (which otherwise could have been just a day that passed without a trace) just by seeing your videos and your “Mazhalai”.

Trip to Halebidu, Belur and Shravanabelagola. (Still not grown up so much to describe all those feelings associated with parents)

Saree shopping with Sunetra. Believe me, the number of sarees seen and hours spent on that day will sum up to my total shopping hours till date. Still loved it (Bit hectic but :P )

Another shopping at Chennai, with Shakthi. Still laughing on the amount of GK she has :P. "Subbu, there is a very famous restaurant in Chennai, they have nice idli's. The restaurant name is Murugan Idli Kadai". ME: "Madam, I am from Madurai. Enake va !!"

Not to forget my dear Interior project at Hyderabad. Learnt the actual meaning of our “practice”, even though it was little on a tougher way. Thanks all the people who made it happen. This will remain in my mind in all the New Year’s to come.

Sivagamiyin Sabatham. Almost read it thrice. Day, night and in dreams.

2011 had lot of things piled up on it, on my behalf, as memories. There were some times, which I feel now, as a tight slap the day has given to me. I know, you have to take a beat so that you take the shape needed.

The climax of the year, gave me more than what I anticipated. Problems approached even after when I decided not to create them. After all, those things should exist or we will forget the real value of good times. Hope it ends with this, the drama of me jumping out of running train to get my bag which was taken by a fellow passenger.

So, dear all, mentioned above. Thanks for making the year beautiful and this note is just very little for what you have given me – MEMORIES.

Wishing you a very happy 2012.