Confession – I am not drunk though!

It has been 25 beautiful years since I started breathing on this Earth. Like all other kids, during the major part of my past years, I always dreamt of growing up and become a matured, responsible and dutiful individual. Now, here I am, the 25 year old woman, reaching her target of growing up but still wondering whether that matured, responsible and dutiful targets are accomplished.

Hence I felt it very much necessary to look back at those days I have lived through and take stock of the things, so that, from today onwards I will take along with me, only the happy and relished part of my past life, only the happy and smiling face of Subhalekha, leaving behind the grey days.

In the process of making myself as my childhood dreamt individual, I have sat in silence a lot many times and analysed myself for the person I have been and the person I could have been and the person I should not be from here on.

Here, on this day, I am trying to write down the things I have learnt so far in my life and hope that these lessons will make my life still more refined from here on.

Being selfish and satisfied- I am always choosy about people with whom I spend most of the time and I always wished happiness for them  going  to the extreme of doing all the things in their favor. This way I believe I have stayed and still staying in the hearts of those people but most of the time I end up being selfishly used by them for their happiness. I always realise it late but will be quick enough to take a decision of staying away but will never regret for that.

This has taught me that “you cannot always go ahead and satisfy others. Stay for yourself and it is always wise being selfish at times”.

Overcome the temper - My way to defeat temper is to laugh out loud or at least show a gentle smile. If that was so difficult, I manage to walk away from the scene and never bothered about its after effects.

Sometimes I think it necessary to vent it out, face to face, but trust me venting the anger out is against the old saying “barking dog seldom bite”.

I learnt that the best way to show anger on a person is to take full control of your mind and stay calm. Your silence will speak, sorry, shout more effectively and prove that you are a biting dog and not just a barking one.

Be good always – Whatever the situation is, try to be good. Whoever is around you or whoever is influencing you, fight to come out of the ring and be what you are.

Being good is nothing but living true to your heart, honest to the values with which your parents have brought you up.

Defeat the sadness – My sadness never lasted for more that quarter part of the day. I hardly remember being sad and too depressed at something else. If at all I feel sad, I just close my eyes and say this out loud, too loud, “come on Subhalekha, you are not born to be sad, happy baby you are, say cheers J”

That might sound so stupid but that is the magic. 

Consoling your own self and making yourself happy is the best way to emerge strong and proud out of difficult times.

Believe in it – The puzzle will get solved- All days will not go as per plan. Some days will be the worst which you don’t actually deserve. You will be left wondering when all this non-sense will end. You will try your best not to give up. The more you try to tackle it, the much harder challenge it poses. Your resistance will reach the brim in spite of your efforts to be composed.

That’s the deal in this business called life. The more you fight it the more tough hand you get and never ever put the cards down. The more fragmented your life looks, the more organised it will turn out to be. You just have to believe it.

Always pick one - Mind or Heart – I bet this is the toughest battle in anyone’s life. If the mind speaks 1000 words, the heart speaks 10 times more and you end up listening to both of them sparing one ear to each of them and pushed to ultimate state of confusion in taking a decision.

So far, I am always proud of my decisions in making my life meaningful but all those decisions are always the outcome of a tough battle between Mind and Heart. Though I try following my heart, most of the decisions are coated with layers of principles defined by the Mind.

So, when I sum up my life so far, I can understand that I am a blessed female (touch wood) with limitless love, care, comfort and blessing from lot of dear people around and I am always grateful and happy for whatever I got thus far.

But now it is time to put my feet down and take control of the further happenings in my life.

Today I truly believe that following my heart is the one that I need to be doing so that I don’t end up regretting later in my life.

You might have accomplished you career goal following your mind, you might have seen all the riches following your mind, you might be sitting in the fame cloud nine following your mind, and you might feel the complete material satisfaction following your mind. Note the word material; this satisfaction is just a mask you are wearing so that to show the world that you are perfect and completely happy.

It’s time for me to decide whether to keep the mask which I too have been wearing till now or take it off and deal with life with my chins up.

So my little wish for this birthday is,

God, give me the freedom and courage to follow my heart, even at tough times, and be rooted to the decisions my heart makes.

I am sure my life is going to be still happier with my heart said way of handling things and will definitely let you know how it goes on my next birthday.